I was thinking today about the difference between perception and reality at any given moment, and how that difference plays us sometimes, making fools of us either in that moment, or later.
I’ll never forget the moment, as a young girl, that I was thunderstruck with the realization that the world didn’t look the way I drew it on paper with my crayons and markers. I honestly can’t remember if I came to it on my own, or whether some wise teacher or parent told me it was so.
I do remember with great clarity, though, the moment I truly saw that there’s no space between the sky and the earth, anywhere, ever. Whether you’re in the city, the country, the mountains or the plains, the sky settles down onto the land, or the land rises majestically to the heavens. And yet, like most kids, my little pictures showed the grass at the bottom of the paper in a green strip, the sky at the top in a blue strip, and a wide, colorless strip between the two, as background to whatever was in the foreground.
Once I recognized that this was so, all my artwork immediately changed to depict the sky and the land nestled together in the background. After that point, I found it hugely distasteful to look at my “old” pictures that didn’t reflect this truth.
This battle between perception and reality is like an ongoing, age-old ping-pong game in our lives.
Who doesn’t, without consciously realizing it, suck in their stomach, smooth their hair just so, and stand or smile in front of the mirror in just the right way for an attractive, confident reflection to embolden them as they head out into their day? The jig is up, though, if we pass a mirror “out there,” glancing without meaning to do so as we pass, seeing the mere mortal who may have a double chin, thinning hair, thickening waistline, frumpy outfit… Or, God forbid, someone snaps and shares a picture. The camera doesn’t lie, or dispense empty compliments.
I’m happy to report, though, that it also works in the reverse. I’ve lost weight over the past couple of years, and I forget the progress I’ve made until I do see a picture, or put on a jacket that was tight, and is now loose. Sometimes reality is sweeter than our own perception.
Yet, how can our confidence not falter in working out today’s problems, when we can look back over a lifetime of perceptions that later proved faulty? How do we know if this is God talking, if it’s solid problem-solving and plan-making, or just some stupid crap we’re telling ourselves today?
Consider the following, from the voluminous file of “Stupid Crap I’ve Told Myself in the Past” … And just so you know, this is stuff I sincerely believed at the time:
Stupid Crap: It doesn’t make logical sense to think there’s a God in charge of it all… and if there is, He must not be terribly skilled or powerful, given the state of the world…
Later Wisdom: I can’t prove or disprove His existence, nor do I need to do so. What I know for sure is that, whether or not it makes “logical sense” to believe, my life just doesn’t make sense without Him.
Stupid Crap: If I love my kids enough, it doesn’t matter if there are times I ride them too hard, or yell too loud, because I do kiss them, and love them, and say the right things at other times… and it’s all because I passionately want them to grow up proud, and confident, and strong…
Later Wisdom: Intention doesn’t trump bad execution, and bad execution doesn’t create proud, confident, strong adults. Now, among the memories of kisses and love and support, are ugly memories of Mom going batsh** crazy over things like dirty rooms and bad grades; things that, on balance, just don’t matter enough to go batsh** crazy.
Stupid Crap: It’s all-important to be part of a marriage, any marriage; it’s all-important for kids to be part of an intact family, any intact family, as long as there’s no violence or abuse.
Later Wisdom: Married or not, sometimes you’re lonely, sometimes you’re bummed, sometimes you’re frustrated with the state of your life. I’d rather be frustrated, or bummed, or lonely alone, than as part of a couple that’s not working. Likewise, kids are often wiser than we are, and they’d rather live a life that’s truthful and authentic, even if it’s sometimes a harder life. And P.S. The joyous parts are far more joyous when you’re a single parent, or a child of divorce, but a happy parent or child.
Stupid Crap: It doesn’t matter if you “manage your career” or choose thoughtfully what you do for a living. As long as you’re working hard and making the bills, good things will happen, eventually.
Later Wisdom: Tomorrow’s not always a new day, Scarlett. The workday is long and defeating if you spend most of it wanting to poke toothpicks in your eyeballs or be called away to a root canal. Few of us will be deliriously happy every day of our working lives; but some of us will be fulfilled and satisfied, and actually enjoy what we do. We gotta count our blessings, but learn from those folks and try to reroute the path, if need be.
See the pattern? Stupid crap. Later wisdom.
Tick tock, tick tock.
You do it, I do it, we all do it, whether we’re fully aware of the process, or not.
In marketing and public relations, we say that perception IS reality. But in real life, it’s not. In real life, inaccurate perception doesn’t change reality, it just derails it. The goal is to get out in front of “stupid” before you have to burn daylight fixing it with “wisdom.”
It’s a goal. ;)
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