Hell in a Handbasket

I’m not, nor can I ever remember being, one of those folks who thinks the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

It’s easy to go there, easy to find issues or events to support that notion – but I think it’s a lazy world view, and I don’t think it’s accurate. The world is bursting with evidence to the contrary – beautiful, positive, brilliant events and advances that balance the picture – but I think it takes mental discipline to give those the same “airplay” in our minds as the negative stuff.

If optimism was easy, it wouldn’t be so refreshing when we come across it.

Still and yet, sometimes I see things that leave me “smh” – shakin’ my head, as we texters and Facebookers are fond of saying these days.

I was leaving my bank the other day, and noticed a small sign on the door that I had seen other places as well. “These doors must remain open during regular business hours.”

Wha?

Is there someone, somewhere within the hallowed confines of my bank’s personnel, who needs a gentle reminder to keep the doors unlocked while the bank is open? Under what circumstances would they forget, do you suppose? “Ah, well, for heaven’s sake… I wondered why we weren’t getting any business this morning…”

Taken a step further, if the bank is being robbed, wouldn’t it be good procedure to lock the doors and keep more innocent people from coming in? Does the employee dash over to heroically lock down the bank, then stop, scratching her head… “Well, the sign says not to lock the doors…?”

Or perhaps the sign is for the potential bank robber, who enters, then turns to lock the doors, cleverly keeping the police at bay. Suddenly, he sees the sign: “These doors must remain open during regular business hours.”

Curses! Foiled again! The dejected robber turns to leave, in search of a bank without the sign on the door...

Another one I can’t quite understand seems to be posted in every public restroom in the country: “Employees must wash hands before returning to work.”

Ewww?

How does that play out, exactly? Restaurant employee – the same one you just watched as she made your sandwich, handled your money, then made the next sandwich, all while wearing the little plastic gloves – comes zipping into the restroom. (Is she still wearing the plastic gloves, I wonder?)

She does her business, prepares to leave, germy hands firmly grasping the door handle… sees the sign, “Oh yeah, I need to wash my hands before I go back and make another sandwich!” Washes her hands, firmly grasps the door handle (haha, just had to throw that visual in there…), goes back to work…

But seriously. Can we all agree, that (a) if the aforementioned employee is not naturally in the habit of washing her hands after using the restroom, the sign is probably not going to inspire her to do so? And (b) if she’s not someone who washes her hands of her own accord… might we not want to be a little more discerning in our hiring practices?

I was watching “The Waltons” with my little one that night after going to the bank, and I did have to laugh a little. I pictured a mystified Ike Godsey, shouting to be heard through the old-fashioned phone on the wall, adjusting the speaker on his ear because he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing.

“You want me to what? Well, whatever for? Why wouldn’t I have the doors open during business hours? Well, yes sir… No sir, I don’t want to have to pay any fines… Yes sir. Well, I’ll get it posted by morning, then. Goodbye.”

He turns to Corabeth. “There’s a new law that I have to post a small sign on the door sayin’ the doors have to be unlocked while the store is open.”

Corabeth purses her lips and looks darkly out the window. “Well, Mr. Godsey, I do declare, this world’s goin’ to hell in a handbasket…”